I’ve learned a lot of lessons in my life. One of the biggest lessons is that Happiness is fleeting. If you find it, hold on to it and enjoy it because it doesn’t last. I’m not saying that to be a dream squasher, I’m just saying that because it’s true. I go through most of my days up one moment, down the next. I’ll hear a song on the radio or smell a particular scent, or someone will smile at me or something funny, and in those moments, I feel it. It’s short-lived, but it’s wonderful.
I don’t know if it’s a mid-life crisis or what, but lately I’ve just been so frustrated and confused and sad so much of the time. I’m constantly questioning who I am, what I am doing here and what my purpose is. I’m thinking about my own mortality probably more than I should, but no more than any other fifty-something going through this stage of life. It’s downright maddening at times. It doesn’t show to others because I’m pretty good at hiding it. Well, maybe it’s not hiding, it’s more like I’m just really good at knowing when and where to let it show. I can’t keep it all in to the point that it consumes me, but I also can’t let it out for all to see lest it define me.
And what is it exactly that I’m dealing with?
Anger. Depression. Lost. Sadness. Anxiety. Frustration. Confusion. Hopelessness. Fear. Happiness. Repeat Cycle.
Such is life.