I’ve always enjoyed this time of year because it brings with it cooler weather and holidays that always meant lots of family time and fun. No matter what happened throughout the year, the fall made everything better and it brought great joy. Now, with so many family members no longer here, it seems those days are long gone. Now, this time of year reminds me that things have changed and can never go back to the way they once were. I guess I just am not just adjusting well to that.
When I was young and imagined myself older, I never imagined that things would be as they are now, that my parents, grandparents, and most of my aunts and uncles would be gone. I just thought that when I got older, I’d have that circle of people I grew up with surrounding me, teaching and guiding me. I’m still here and they’re gone, and it feels very lonely. With every loss of someone in my family circle, it feels like I lose a piece of myself. And with it comes this feeling of being disconnected more and more from who I am. It’s as if I’m slowly losing all the things that made me “me”. Who am I without all these people in my life?
Who am I?
Because right now I have no idea.
Release The Clackum! 
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